fuckingrecipes:

- Disposing of a body is fairly easy, as long as you’re not squeamish. 

- Body language is just as, or more important than words

- It is far more useful to say ‘I made a mistake, I’ll try to do better’ than to say ‘I’m sorry’

- If you fuck something up, try to fix it

- If you can’t fix it, make it look like you tried

- The fastest way to get chores done is to think of them like favors you’re doing for someone you love. Do the dishes so your loved one doesn’t have to. 

-Alternatively, Consider doing things today as a favor to your future self, who is under a lot of strain and really fucking wishes you had just done the goddamn laundry. 

- Always return something borrowed in the same or better condition than when you got it

-Failure is good, as long as you learn from your mistakes, and evolve to avoid the same failure in the future. 

- Gas and Booze must always be replaced in equal or greater amounts than what you took

- You don’t have to replace food freely given, but if you’re going to help cook, you better help buy the supplies. 

- ‘You suck’ and ‘No offense, but…’ should be used in a playful manner. 

- If you’re going to do something crazy, go all-out. Forget embarrassment and just leap for it. 

- Don’t be afraid to do crazy things. Society’s normal is fucking boring, and crazy things are easier than they seem. 

- Embrace passion and stubbornness. Those traits get stuff done. 

- The crumbly texture of real taco meat is made from cow cheek muscles. 

- Being able to provide food for your loved ones is a badge of honor. Cooking skills are important. 

- Feel free to disagree with someone’s opinion. 

-Free speech does not mean freedom from consequences of what they’ve said.  

-There are wonderful people with stupid ideas, and hateful people with brilliant ideas. 

- People change. This is good. It is also very frightening, but trust me, it’ll be alright. 

- Life is a nature hike. If you whine and wait eagerly for the end, you’ll miss the entire point of walking. 

-If you’re lost, ask for help.

- If you get the chance to do something that terrifies you, do it. 

- Compliment people for things you actually admire about them. If you notice they have great teeth, tell them, no matter how awkward you feel about it. 

- Don’t assume that other people know how you feel. Most relationship problems are born from misunderstandings and assumptions. 

-However, there are some people who actually are poisonous, and spread their misery, hate and anger. Be aware of this. 

- The best way to drain a body of blood is to hang them upside down and slit their throat while they’re still alive. Gravity and a still-beating heart will do the rest. 

- The most important thing in a relationship is showing that you appreciate your partner - This usually makes them feel great and they appreciate you in return. A huge loop of happiness. 

- Find a food that makes you mouthgasm. Consume regularly.

-Do silly things for the hell of it.

-Learn to dance. This is important. You don’t have to be a master of tango, but pick up a style and figure out the basics. Having control over your body and being able to deliberately express emotions through body language are closely entwined.  

- If someone makes you feel like you’re worthless, cut them out of your life as quickly and completely as you can. 

- A hitman can be hired on the black market for ~20k. 

- The anticipation of something bad is often worse than the actual event. 

- Not always, though 

- If you want someone to pay attention to what you’re saying, challenge their dominance. Make eye contact, stand straight, hands clasped behind you and shoulders back. Enunciate. Act like they should be deferring to you.

- The fastest way to make someone ignore you is to act and speak like your opinion isn’t important. 

- Be confident in the way you present yourself, and people will assume you know what you’re doing. 

- Savor your food. Eat food worth savoring.

- When in a fight, try to run away first, then dodge, then go for the soft tissue and nerves.

- Don’t fight for dominance. Dominance is achieved through words and body language.

-If it escalates to physical violence, get out of there. If you can’t get out of there, incapacitate with severe pain and try to run again. If pain does not allow an escape route, assume you are under deadly threat and respond with lethal force. 

-Take a self defense class, don’t get a black belt. Learning how to react while in danger is far more useful than learning how to fight in a competition or show. 

- Smaller, Slighter people - Aikido is your friend. 

-Learn your local weapons laws. Take advantage of them. 

-Practice random acts of kindness. Smiling, compliments, picking up something that was dropped - They’re small, but they do positively impact people’s lives. 

- Don’t watch news channels, you’ll only get depressed. 

- Knowing what’s going on in the world is important - That’s what the internet is for. 

- Just because you made a stupid decision, doesn’t mean you are stupid. It probably felt like a good idea at the time. Now you know better.

- If you deliberately do a stupid thing, knowing it’s stupid, you deserve the consequences. 

- Spiders are helpful to the environment. If they are peaceful, move them outside. If they are aggressive, sucks to be them. Apply boot liberally. 

- Physical demonstrations of love and appreciation are important. 

- Words of appreciation and love are important

- Set ridiculous goals, then work out some smaller goals that act as stepping stones to reach it. 

-Thank anyone who helps you. 

- Thank anyone who makes you feel good about yourself

- Chickens CAN run around without heads. Make sure to sever the neck, close to the body. This applies to all fowl. 

- There is no one in this world exactly like you. You have changed this universe by existing. You have impacted whether someone has lived or died. You, personally, have changed the fate of humanity, by being born. 

- If you’re happy, show it. 

——- Do you have any life advice?

(via citoyennecombeferre)

I suffered from a meltdown after another particularly low spike, and so took my anger out on the wall by banging my fists hard against it. I now have a sore right hand with a possible bruise or small fracture.
I got told that next time, “I should just break my hand,” and that it was much better.

Go fuck yourself, Dad.